Ahhhhhh.....

I feel as though my life is like a stripped nut. Today while watching my husband as he was explaining his complete frustration about the nut that wouldn't come off of a bolt and the terrible place it was positioned on the car he was trying to fix, it occurred to me that is exactly how i feel. I'm the tool that is trying to get that dang stripped nut off, turning and turning but never getting anywhere. Today my lovely little neighbor girls came over to play with the boys while I clean my house. It was absolutely lovely!! I love every minute of there time at my house. But then they left... It feels like to me for at least the last 3 weeks no matter how much I clean, how long, how hard, none of it matters cause I can not for the life of me make my home feels and look clean. It is driving me crazy and I just want to cry. I really do want to be a good house keeper but I can't figure out how to do that. My kids are so destructive it's sickening. I really feel do feel like I would be a great candidate for a spot on the Super Nanny show. I know it is my fault but I am trying, it's not like I don't punish my kids. And frankly I get really tired of telling them no. They're kids, they want to play. I don't blame them for being a little crazy, it's too blasted hot to go outside, until about 5pm then it's too blasted hot to be inside OUR house. I'm to lazy to take them places like the mall and to poor to afford a fun play place. Plus even if I took them to those places my fearless monkey would find a way to destroy something. It's so sad to me. I'm not sure where their lack of fear comes from. I remember as a child being to afraid to even think about doing the things they do. I would watch my sister and brothers as they went about doing crazy things and just thinking, oh man one of them is going to get hurt, I just know it!! But no not my kids, they are absolutely insane. And anyone that knows my kids would agree.

It's pretty hard to think about my life right now. Brings lots of tears to my eyes. I know I have to much to be grateful for but it's so hard to sit down and think about all the wonderful things I DO have when I sit down and see my disgustingly messy house and hear the highest pitch noise coming from my middle child followed by lots of hitting and wrestling.

I am grateful for a wonderful happy baby, who's only flaw right now might be his teething and constant spitting up. But those are nothing I can't handle happily. And my husband who although stressed to the max and a bit down in the dumps himself has been a big help, when I REALLY need him and works hard to try and get any work he can.

And I have my lovely parents that let me run to their house whenever I need to get out of the heat of my home or for whatever I need. They have been so good to give Corey and I little jobs to make a little money. I don't know what we would do without them. Although I feel a bit bad sometimes when we're there too much.

There I thought of a few good things.