Well I can't say I miss him that much because he does seem to be home quite a bit right now but this is what is up. He has the night shift this month and so he is gone every night. He leaves around 8 pm most nights and gets home between 9am-11am. So I just feel lonely at night. I guess it is just helping me to look forward to the nights he is home. This is a huge test for me too. I hate to be alone and since my husband has started this job I have been alone A LOT. Well not completely alone but husbandless. I never thought that this is how my life would end up. Only because I'm the kind of person that loves and needs to be around people a lot. And now, not only am I over coming my fear of always being alone but I am having to be extremely brave and alone. I think this is Heavenly Father's way of making me tough so that I can go and do things like family reunions and trips without Corey. I'm having to be more brave because he is gone at night now and I am embarrassed to say it but I am so very scared of the dark. So to be alone with two babies at night is a huge thing for me. I'm sure if someone could see me at night they would get a pretty good laugh! Cause after the lights go out and I take my glasses off my eye's triple in size. I have to open them extra wide to see anything. I get this stupid feeling like there is something behind me and my blood starts to get cold and my heart beats really fast. I almost don't want to look behind me cause I'm afraid. I'm like a kid with the monster under the bed. It's pretty sad. I probably need to see a therapist or something. But... I am getting better and more brave. I think he has been home two nights in the past two weeks. So anyways, I look forward to having my husband home at night again someday.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
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4 comments:
I like to have the background noise from the TV on so i don't feel so alone--i now sleep with it on--bad habit i know. Also when kevin is gone i love to sleep across the bed at an angle and take up as much space as possible. Only problem is that my kids like to hang out and i usually end up with one of them falling asleep in my bed and they take up as much space or more than Kev. Just surround yourself with lots of pillows and try a nightlight.
I have the same fears. When Scott goesw on his late night ball games and isn't home until late, i totally think i hear & see things. It's just our imaginations playing w/ us.
Here is what i do when it's really bad.
-turn on my lamp (by my bed)
-Say a prayer for comfort
-& sometimes put a pillow over my head to drown out sound & the light, because i will leave in on.
Love you tons & i hope this helps.
P.S. Your Heavenly Father loves you & i think he is just puching you to your limit because he knows you can handle it. He would never make you do anything that you wouldn't benefit from in the long run.
I used to leave a lot of lights on when Jack would be out of town--I am a total wimp about that. He is gone in the evening now, but thank goodness that I don't have to go to bed most nights alone--I get pretty scared myself!
im glad to know im not alone in my fears. thanks for all the advice!!
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